Celijah, If I Lose Myself
by Lord Of Ash's and Fiend's
Summary: Elijah has spent the last three years of his life with no memory of his past, witch was not so bad. But soon he starts to have strange dreams of a girl with red hair, creatures of fantasy and hooded warriors start to interfere with his life, and everywhere he goes, people of this new world he has discovered with in his own, refer to him...as a Nephilim, a Shadowhunter
1. Chapter 1

Elijah sits at the tiny scarred table in the kitchen; just under the window sill. The light coming through the shades just outlines all the dried beer stain on the top and greasy splatters left by last nights' dinner. In the morning light it all makes him want to puke, so he turns aside and takes another sip of his tea and plans the next few minutes; hoping his hangover will abate by then. Peering up over the top of his cup, he catches Peter slinking through the door in his funky jeans, bare foot with his hair stiffly cramped over his left ear. 'Morning Eli" he croaks out and slowly eases the fridge door open. Then, he gazes into the fridge as if he was viewing Narnia, belches, and closes the door. "Great Party last night. I think I had a good time" Parking his skinny butt in the chair on the left, he asked "Are the others still passed out?" Elijah answers, not bothering to look up from his cup…"Dane asleep on the couch and the last time I saw Matt his face was jammed into the great white bowl""What happened to the women?" Ah..I kinda think they left us sometime later…I dunno…maybe they went for pizza and never came back….moron" Peter rolls his eyes around in his head "Why do I bother taking to you in the morning, Your always so grouchy". Elijah grunts,"I don't know. It's not like I encourage you too ". Peter leans back in his chair, stairing up at the sealing like a stoner," whatever, we have a meeting this morning, so get their dead carcasses out here. This is business, and business means money". With a heavily sigh, Elijah pull's himself up from behind the table and trudges to the bathroom where he finds Mat face down in the toilet. Luckily, the bottle of whiskey has blocked his face from the water and the fool didn't drown. He drags him into the shower, and lets the water drip down over Mat's inert body. Slowly Mat rolls over and groans. " Why are you so mean to me?" " Yeah right,we're mean to you,We were put on this earth just to bug you. we have business – get up!, and go wake Dane too, you have to be ready in a few minutes" Elijah said. Elijah turned his lanky body toward the shower as so as Matt had quickly striped and let the needles of spray wash away his lethargy. Perhaps the water would also dilute the strange dreamscape he'd had the previous night, at least he hoped so. Flashes of a unseen battle played in his mind, he could hear screams of agony and the sound of sparks as blades clashed. At the end of his dream, he see a girl, calling too him in horror, her fire head hair all he could make out from the haze,"ELIJAH!". Eli blinked, coming back to reality. He let out a long sigh,"its only a dream...its not real, dont bother with things that aren't real" he told himself as he turned of the water. He quickly got dressed and focused on how he was going to promote his band, and slowly the recollections of those strange night flashes faded into his consciousness.

Elijah met with his band mates down by the van, who all seemed to be relatively fit to speak with Garland, their Manager. Elijah didn't enjoy going to speak with this 'ole goat'. He always made snide comments about Elijah's hair "Oh it's too long or have you ever heard of a brush?"

But as much as he didn't enjoy him, the man did know how to find them gigs; fast, which kept them clothed and fed so he put up with him. The drive to Garland's office was filled with groans and grumbles half of them were still catching some zzzzzzzzzzzzzz's in the back seat. Peter seemed to be the only one trying to talk about what they should play for their next appearance which, sadly , Elijah was the only one awake enough to listen. "So I was thinking of doing a remix of Light em UP. People seem to like that ever since that movie came out, and if we play at a bar, it'll be great dance music. Then we should follow up with something like...Hey, are you listening?" "Yes, Peter, I'm listening,"Elijah muttered, then added in a thought,_I'm the only one who does listen to you this early in the morning_," So how much will we clear this week between us?" Peter grins and says, "about two thousand dollars which should cover everything nicely and leave up some change to spare". They pull up in front of the building where Gartland works,the sun reflecting off the glass panes of the outside frontage like a giant magnifying glass and they were the ants that would burn under the heat of that sun. They hurried into the air conditioning that blew and relieved the heat of the new day.

They quickly made their way through the building and walked to the door with Garland's name on it, pass the Receptionist who gave them a silent hello and batted her eyes at Elijah, as he passed. Dane rolled his eyes at the interchange "Tall, dark and handsome …..I hate you sometimes Eli,You get all the women" he said. Elijah shrugged"Just lucky I guess but soap helps too." The four young men opened the office door, slunk in and sat down in the comfort chairs that surrounded Garland's desk. Garland was a middle aged black man, well built, well dressed and obviously took pride in his appearance. He voice was quite startling as it was soft and more scintillating than one would expect from his rather large physique . He never raised his voice,"Good News People,The bar you're playing tonight has offered an extra $500 for each of you if you play a romantic song for my client and his fiancé." he said, flashing his perfect teeth. "So how will we know this guy?" said Dane. "You can't miss him. He looks like Elvis and he's been dead a longtime " Garland said as he leans agenst the table,"So this man will stand out". Mat comments "So, we look for the guy who goes 'Thank you…..thank you very much'". Garland chuckles and said," Glad you all find this amusing….see you tonight and Elijah, seriously man, you are supposed to be our sex appeal…comb your dam hair for once!" "I could say the same about you" Elijah quipped as the boy stood up and made their way out. They huddled into the elevator, scurried through the lobby and made their getaway in the van.

Heading downtown, the four young men decide to check out their next gig, maybe grab a beer. The club was massive; like those fancy hotels you see in Vegas. There was a fancy sign, lights and the entire thing looked like it was made of marble. They stepped inside. Immediately it was pitch dark except for the grey mist of the fog making machine surrounding them. "How are we going to find our instruments in all this crap?" Peter complained. He had no use for this kind of club, but Elijah chuckled "Look on the bright side,We just might see Elvis in here" he said, earning a low chuckle from the others. The boys went over to the elaborate bar and introduced themselves to the bartender as they waited to make their sound check. About an hour later the club began to actually fill with people. As the others did the sound check on stage, Peter and Elijah still had their butts planted at the bar. After taking at shot Peter bugged him "OK Eli how long have known each other?" "I don't know…maybe a year and a half" "Two years pal" "Oh, time flies!" " Anyway, the whole time I've known you I've never seen you talk to a guy/ or a chick or anything. I mean you talk to us but your always so….what's the word I'm looking for?" "Stand-off-ish" "Yeah,You never socialize. I know you a good guy, why don't you ever use that charm on a lady friend or guy friends…whatever?". His friends words made Elijah think about how he really hadn't been going really looking for anyone, sure he found both women and men attarctive, sure, but he didnt really feel like getting into a realtionship with anyone...and when he did...the girl from his dream would return to his mind... "I don't know man, guess I never thought about it or maybe never had time to really consider it" Elijah said, downing his shot. Peter shrugged "All right…just sayin…if you ever need a wing man you know where to look. I'm going to join the guys on stage. Don't be too long" he said, before he got up and made his way towards the stage

Elijah gazed into the darkness and grey mist from the fog machine gathering in front of him. He squinted his eye blinking . He caught the glance of some dude with red eyes and deathly pale skin, the sight made him flinch a bit. He considered multiple scenarios, the guy could be albino...still it was kind of creepy the way he looked back at him with a hungry stare like wanted to taste him. Eli had fans but this was different; this made the hairs of his arms stand up. "You ok pal?" said the guy beside him on the stool. When Eli turned to answer he noticed the man had green eyes that almost seemed to glow..no pupil..just green. Instinctively, Eli moved aside. His stomach cramped up and a cold sweat immediately covered his back. He quickly made his way to the stage..feeling a little high headed ..and disoriented. He turns to the crowd putting on his professional persona and shouts " Y'all ready to Party!" and the crowd screams back.

Taking a break between sets Eli goes outside to have a cigarette. His ear twitches as he notices a noise from the alley. Being the paranoid type he stood up and went to check it out. What he saw..horrified him. There was the guy with green eyes again except his arm had morphed turning into a huge black claw like pincher and in that pincher was a girl. Eli couldn't tell if she was dead or alive, but another person, her boyfriend he guessed, was cowering on the side curled up into a ball. The man laughed "You humans are so easy…you have this precious gift of life and you waste it but don't worry I'll put an end to your festering". He dropped the girl and drags his curling talons against the wall the shuffled over the cowering boyfriend. A normal person would have been long gone by now, but Elijah, guided by some unconscious instinct walked forward silently. Within striking distance he hit the creature hard in the shoulder, breaking it with a sickening crunch. The creature swung back at him but Eli had flipped over and out of range. Something had happened to him, He couldn't understand it but he had to finish this, he couldnt let this thing live so it could strike again. His eyes dated around quickly,stoping at a sharpened metal pipe lying near his foot. Grabbing it he rushed forward . He creature realizing Elijah was attacking tried to defened its self, but it was too slow. Eli shoved the pipe through his open jaw and out the back of his head. The monster gurgled with blackish liquid spurting from its mouth. Elijah jumps backward, avoiding the black substance. As the beast slowly dies, turning into black vapor, it screams at him "Curse You Shadow Hunter!", then it was gone

The shock of what happened careened through Elijah's body, and he doubles over…puking his guts out into the back alley, panting and sweating, a look of fear and confusion framed his face. _Nobody – I mean nobody is going to believe what just happened to me_, he thought. Wiping off his face he turned and stumbled back through the exit door of the club. Coming to the table,Peter remarks "JEEZE Man..you look like shit..and its not the lights in hear doing it. "What the hell happened to you?". Elijah grabs his arm and pulls Peter towards him,"Dude…I gotta get out of here..now!" "What about the last set?" " Peter, I need to go home!" Elijah snapped and started pushing his way through the crowd who moved aside for him, thinking he was headed again to the stage. He veered left and headed towards the van; swiping the key out of Peters pocket. In seconds rest of the group came out and a dozen questions were aimed a Elijah who…was not really listening and who could only hear the curse the beast had whispered in the back alley.

As they drove from the curb, Elijah spotted someone... the girl .. it was the same girl from his weird dream, the same fire colored hair, but this time he could see her whole body, she was dressed in a strange, light heaiet looking gear, like she was a assassin in a fantisy game. She was examining the scene, when she looked up as the van passes. Their eyes meet for the briefest seconds, but for Elijah it was like time slowed down, and in that time, he finally got to see her face. She was pale and their was a light dusting of freckles along her face and cheeks, but the biggest feature he noticed, where her eyes, the parts of her eyes that where suppost to be white where instead black in one, and gold in the other, but in the middle, both eyes where a beautiful shade if emerald green. Before he could see more, the van speeds off, making its way home.

By the time they got home, Elijahs band mets had abandend trying to talk or as what his problem was, and decided to just be mad and ignore him and go off to their own rooms. Elijah found his way to his bed and slides under the covers. He did not get any sleep that night. He played it over and over in his head. The alley, the girl, the beast and the word….."Shadow Hunter!"


	2. Chapter 2

(i changed the point of view, just so you all know)

Chapter 2

I walked around the stress of the city, passing by my normal spots to feel good, the book store, the game shop, even my friend Aarons place, but nothing seemed to interest me. I tried very hard not to think about the club, about the demon…and the girl, but every time I see a strangely dressed person, a redhead, our try to eat at any restaurant with a bar, my mind would return to that night. All this and the fact that I just couldn't put up with my friends questions about that night anymore Is why I now found myself in a part of the city I have never been too before, screeching for anything to distract me from the chaos of my thoughts. I came to a stop in front of a shop where the sound of poetry could be heard through the windows.

After finding a seat by the back, I turn my attention to the stage. As the people got on and off after each reading, I started to just drift into a dream, letting the words of the writers lull me into a fantasy. I didn't dream about anything at first, the images changed with the with the readings that where being told, pets, romances, drinking and so on….then my dream took me too a rainy day…..I heard thunder and felt a cold wind, shivering as my dream became very familiar to me…like I had been in this storm. The sound of a notice urged me to turn around, and my eyes went wide. Stumbling through the trees, making his way to the highway….was me, though I looked young, like I had just died and came back as a walking corpse, my skin was pale and covered in goose bumps from the rain, my long black hair was wet and draped around my face. The clothes I seemed to have on were a burned leather…armor was the only word I could think of for it, looking at the plated grieves and the padded chest piece. I walked into the streets, mumbling something over and over, like I was disabled, and could only speak in a single word. I walked over to myself, puzzled and a bit worried for myself. How did I get like that, what was a doing out in the rain, hurt, dizzy and crying out for something in the middle of the road like a nut case. I wanted to yell,' get out of the road, please!', But my words fell on deaf ears. I saw a light come down the highway, knowing full well what would happen next, id get hit by a car, id be taken to the hospital where I am treated and start I new life, my old one dying here in this cold street. I never really cared about my life before, if it caused me so much pain. Why would I bother going back? Why not just move on, become a rock star, have kids with another singer and live the good life people dream of…..why could I not be satisfied with that…why did I want so desperately to remember my old life…..end her, the girl with the red hair, who haunts my dreams, and drives me absolutely insane…..and yet….i feel like is need to know her…..my hand started to burn the more I thought about the girl, to the point where I finally had to look at it. I blinked, starting at what seemed to be a…tattoo?, I don't remember when I had gotten a tattoo on my hand, or when I had the balls to even get one, I hated needles, or anything that touched my skin in a way that I didn't like...it looked cool though, like one of those D&D runes for magic. My head started to hurt a bit as a stared at the mark, that word playing in my head again and again…rune….rune…RUNE. "Clary", the sudden sound of my voice made me jump, backing up from myself. The word felt very….I don't know, warm, tingly as I heard myself say it. It didn't take me more than five seconds to figure out who I was talking about. I smiled a bit, finally having a name to the face, hair and enchanting eyes that lit a fire in my chest that night at the club. I looked up at the make believe sky in my dream, closed my eyes, and spoke the words that made my heart, at that one moment, sing better than I ever had when with my band "Clary"...….."Hey bud, you can't sleep here, it's time to beat it" a frustrated voice said to me as a slowly woke from my self induced slumber. "Mmm…what?, oh…what time is it?" I asked sleepily as I stood, with my legs numb and almost causing me to stumble over. "it's 8 Pm, you've been here for hours, I don't mind if you relax but you can't sleep here in my shop all night, now beat it!" the lady said as she assured me out the door. It started to rain on my way home, and I cursed, Dam it, I should have brought my damn phone to have someone pick me up…..but..I'm glad." I said to myself, I didn't find something to help me forget about the demon or the girl, but after today, I realized that I didn't want too. Being a rich and living the life of a super star was Stewarts dream, my life was in the shadows, where my past, my purpose…and where my Clary where waiting for me. The train of thought that I was following scared me, I never like stepping into the unknown, fearing the worst of the time….but in this case…I felt like this path…was the one I had to see through, that id never find peace unless I found out about what happened to me before, I'm not sure if I wanted to go back to what I did before my accident, but…I had to at least know who I was….who she was. After finally finding my neighborhood, I made my way over to the smelly building that I called home…when I heard running, and a frantic voice, "please!...somebody help me" it called, sounding like a young woman. I felt the feeling again, the one from the club, the one that moved me too attack and kill the monster in the ally, the same one that moved me now too follow the voice of the panicked woman. A thought accrued to me as I came around the corner, spotting what looked like a couple of creatures closing in on the woman, one like a Monkey with a scorpion tail and the other looking like a cross between a centipede and a alligator, _if I'm going to learn who I am…then I can't live in fear, I have to put my fear in the back of my head, and follow my instincts_. Putting this thought into action was easier said than done though, after all I had too strange creatures that where bigger and most likely stronger than me as my enemies, but seeing that the girl had little time to wait on me, I decided that I can think of my plan later. Right now I just needed their attention. I found a couple of rocks and hurled then at the monsters, earning snarls from them both as they turned to me. I started running down the alley way, leading them away from the girl and down a too the nearby dump. As I lost them in the maze of garbage, a shiny light draws my gaze. It was a knife set, like the ones you'd find in a kitchen. I grab a couple of knives as the Alopied monster leaps for me, giving me only seconds to dodge. I move quickly, to give it no time to fight back, stabbing the beast in its head, black blood squirting out as it slowly dies under me. As it fades away, I notice the rune on my hand, just like the one from my dream, and this time, it glowed with a pale light. The Monkey monster was faster, knocking me to the ground and then kicking me into a hard pile of metal parts of cars, my vision was going red and spotty as I winced in pain, spitting blood on the ground and feeling where a few shards had stabbed into my back. I looked up at the beast, barely moving aside as its tail gets stuck right next to my head in the metal. My eyes darted around, stopping and a long, jagged piece of metal. As the monster pulls its tail free, I grab the metal, cutting my hand a bit on the edges and run at the demon. It strikes again with its tail but I dove under the strike, slicing at its side as I rolled on the ground, then come up behind it on one knee and stab it through the back. The beast let out a sickly wale as it slowly stumbles over, coughing up bile, as it dies. I stood up, panting, my heart beat loud in my ears, my hand burned from the pain of my cut palm…..and the heat from the golden rune from my dream, which now glows on my hand. I wondered back to the ally, seeing that the girl was huddled in a corner by the house near by. She slowly turned to me, the fear in her eyes slowly fading at the sight of me,"A…are they g g gone?" she asked me weakly, too which I answered with a smile and hugged her gently, "It's ok, I took care of the monsters…they won't hurt you anymore" "what where-" "quiet, let's just leave it at that ok? I think you have had more than your share of crazy tonight, let's get you home" o I said to her, walking her down through the ally way, no complaints from her. I brought her to her home, which was not too far from mine actually, and let her walk up ahead to her door. I smiled as I turned to walk away," you stay safe ok?" I said. "Wait, what is your name?" " Who or what are you?" she asked, as I disappeared from her sight. I started to feel the pain from my wounds again about half way home, cursing and tripping over my feet as I came up too my street. I lean against a lamp post and look up at the sky, smiling at the stars, _one day I'll figure all this out….and I'll find you…Clary_, I thought to myself, the name making me feel warm again. As I made it too my house, It occurred to me that I never answered the girls question. I mussed,"Shadowhunter…..I am a Shadowhunter" I said to myself. Closing the door behind me I walked in and collapsed on the floor.


End file.
